


All I Ever Do

by monaboyd_archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-04-09
Updated: 2004-04-09
Packaged: 2018-07-27 17:08:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7626907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monaboyd_archivist/pseuds/monaboyd_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it's hard to be in love....</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Ever Do

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Shirasade: this story was originally archived at the Monaboyd.net Archive, which was closed in September 2014 due to software issues and a lack of new submissions for several years . To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2014. I e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact me using the e-mail address on the Monaboyd.net Archive collection profile.

Okay, this is all a product of my imagination. I don't own or know Billy at all, just the OC.  
Oh, and feedback is welcome=)

 

 

ALL I EVER DO

 

“I’ll call ye.”

“Okay. Take care.”

“Ye too, love.”

He closes the door behind him, leaving Chrissy alone. Again. If asked she wouldn’t be able to tell how many times she has been through this. He always leaves saying “I’ll call you”, and then she waits. Waits for that next call, and for him to show up again. God knows how many times she has told herself to put an end to this, but when she sees him again those thoughts are forgotten.

Chrissy fights the tears, but it’s no use. Damn that man, he has made her cry more than anyone before. She sits down on the couch, tears streaming down her face. She aches. She aches in a way you only do when you want but cannot have. Because he is not hers. Not in the way she would have wanted him to be.

She grabs a cushion and throws it at the TV, hoping it will make her feel better. But it doesn’t. It just hits the screen with a soft thud and falls to the floor, without causing any damage. She sighs. Days like these she wishes that she had never left Dover in the first place. This time she had, once again, decided to tell him how she really felt, but as usual she hadn’t been able to.

 

When she moved to Glasgow she just wanted to get away. She needed something else apart from her hometown of Dover, and thought that Scotland would make a nice change. She had always wanted to go there, and when faced with the opportunity she decided to pack what she would need and go.

She had not been living in Glasgow for very long when she first ran into him. Billy Boyd, the famous actor. They met by accident, really, at a pub she wasn’t even supposed to be at. But they did meet, and for some reason he wanted to talk to her. They spent most of that night together, and Chrissy knew she had met someone who would change her life.

They exchanged phone numbers and e-mail addresses, and before they parted sometime in the morning he promised to call her. Chrissy didn’t really think he would, and was surprised when she heard from him three days later. Against better judgment she agreed on going on a date with him; a date after which she was smitten.

One date became three, four and five, and Chrissy soon realised that she was slowly but surely falling in love. There was only one problem; it became clear that Billy didn’t seem to take their relationship too seriously. Chrissy discovered that he expected her to be around when he wanted her to, but when she called and wanted to see him he often turned her down, saying that he was busy.

More than once Chrissy had thought about breaking it off because of this. The fact that it mostly seemed to be about sex for him made her sad and confused, and deep inside she knew that breaking it off would be the best thing to do. But every time he had worked up the courage to do it he did something to make her change her mind. Mostly it was small things, and Chrissy hated herself for being so weak. Had she been stronger she would have managed to leave him already, but now she didn’t do anything about it.

She loved him, and that was why she put up with his behaviour. That was why she waited, and let him come back time after time. Because of her feelings for him she was satisfied with what she got, even though it hurt.

They spoke on the phone only a couple of times a week or less, and saw eachother even less. They always met at her apartment, and those times he never stayed overnight. When they had made love he seemed to be in a hurry to get out of there, and Chrissy had stopped begging him to stay.

“I’m sorry lass, but I can’t. I’ll call ye,” was his usual reply, and then he left her with a kiss on the cheek.

 

Chrissy sighs and picks herself off the couch where she has been sitting. And hour has passed since he left, and her apartment feels empty now that he’s gone. It always does, and she dresses and grabs her jacket. She needs to get out of there for a while, clear her head.

She doesn’t want to be just a shag; she wants to mean something more to him, and since it is clear that he doesn’t think of her in ‘that’ way, and never will, she knows she has to break it off before it is too late. She just has to work up some of that courage, again, and try and tell him next time.

 

*three weeks later*

Chrissy has just closed the door to her apartment when there is a knock. She opens it, and looks straight into a pair of green eyes.

“Hey.”

That voice. Only one word, but it tears at the scars. Damn! Damn him for causing her to feel like this, damn her for being so week!

“Hey,” she replies, hoping that her voice sounds normal.

“Are ye goin’ te let me in?”

‘No, I’m not!’ She doesn’t want to let him in, because if she does she won’t have much of that strength left.

She doesn’t say anything, just takes a couple of steps backwards and let him in. He hangs his jacket on the usual peg by the door, and follows her into the kitchen. She stands with her back against him, because she knows that if she looks into those eyes one more time the battle will be lost. As so many times before.

She looks at the street outside. The lampposts give light to the otherwise dark night, and suddenly she sees a couple walking by. The man has put his arm around the woman’s shoulders, and she leans against him and laughs at something he says.

Chrissy feels her heart clench. ‘That’s supposed to be us,’ she thinks, but quickly brushes the thought away. Fantasizing about Billy won’t get her anywhere.

She can’t see him, but she senses him behind her. He stands closely, and his breath grazes her neck. She shudders.

"Cold?” he asks, putting a hand on her shoulder. It is warm, and Chrissy closes her eyes.

“Please don’t touch me.”

“’Scuse me?”

“Don’t touch me,” she repeats.

“Why?”

Chrissy slowly turns around. She avoids his eyes, and looks down at the floor.

“Because if you do I won’t be able to ask you to leave.”

There is a silence during which Chrissy still doesn’t look at Billy.

“Ask me te leave?” he asks at last.

“Yes,” Chrissy whispers.

“What’re ye talkin' about?”

She raises her head, forces herself to look at him. He looks back at her, and she can see that he is confused.

Not being able to remain so close to him she starts pacing the kitchen.

“I can’t do this anymore!” Taking a deep breath she knows it is now or never. If she doesn’t tell him now she will never get the strength to do it. “I won’t come running when you want me to anymore! I’m not just some toy you can take out and play with when you feel like it!”

Billy steps up to her and grabs her by her shoulders, making her stop.

“Chrissy, look at me,” he demands. “Please.”

When she stubbornly looks down he puts a hand under her chin and tilts her head upwards.

“I still don’t know wha' ye’re talkin' about,” he says, evidently searching her face for answers.

“I’m tired of this! I’m tired of sitting around waiting for you. That’s all I ever do! You call me at your convenience, and assume that I’ll be there when you want me to! It’s always been about you, you don’t care about me!”

“That isna true!” he protests. “Ye know how I feel about ye!”

“No, I don’t! You never tell me, so I have no idea!” Chrissy turns away from him, avoiding his eyes. Those green, beautiful eyes. Just by looking at her he makes her weak. But he doesn’t know it, and for that she is grateful.

Billy takes hold of both her arms.

“Ye know how I feel about ye,” he says again, his voice softer than before. His touch sends shivers through Chrissy’s body, but she manages to pull herself together.

“When we’re shagging! After that it’s anybody’s guess!”

He doesn’t say anything. Just wraps his arms around her and holds her, and she feels her body relax against his. Damn! This wasn’t how she had planned it, not at all.

“I’m sorry lass,” he whispers in her ear, his breath tickling her skin. “But I really do care about ye.”

Then he kisses her, and the moment his lips touch hers the last of her defences break. Again.

 

THE END?


End file.
